Shell Lingerie was born because I was at rock bottom with my body image. I'd not long moved to the other side of the world and was utterly exhausted. My youngest was 10 months and I despised what I saw in the mirror.
I couldn't even bare to look at myself without the spiteful and hurtful negative words of affirmation came pouring into my thoughts...
Look at you...you need to loose some weight...
Your tummy is disgusting, get back to Pilates...
Omg your boobs are huge and down near the floor...
I was transported back to my youth in the early 00's where if you weren't a size 6/8 you were considered fat. I remembered in 2009 when Jessica Simpson (who once was praised in Dukes of Hazzard for wearing skimpy shorts) was labelled 'fat' and her body looked like mine. A size 10/12 with big boobs and an ass. This spiraled years of self loathing, fatphobia and shame and lead me to never expose my body or boobs in public.
This paired with an overly developed body as a pre-teen lead to general fear from my mother and grandmother. They encouraged me to cover up as not to 'draw male attention' and to 'keep me safe'. This fear of showing my body was even more so solidified when I was told by older teen girls in high school to stop 'showing off my boobs', they were simply there and proportionally bigger than my frame.
(Me in 2009- I absolutley HATED my body and seriously thought I was fat and disgusting in this bikini- I remember my negative mindset- I was vulnerable and brainwashed by the media)
It was February 2023, when I knew something had to change. My husband had kindly booked me onto a day retreat with the wonderful Lauren from the Modern Bohemian (www.themodernbohemian.com.au/) and I spent this day grounding and beginning to tap into what had been going on with my negative self worth.
Put simply I was 'overvaluing my body image in defining my self worth' and it was this card pull which lead to a month of working on re programming my internal narrative to one of kindness. Lauren advised I put this card on my mirror and say these words every day. And I did. At first I couldn't look and I cried but eventually, little by little I began to say and believe these words...
"I embrace and love my body."
I knew then that if I felt this way, other's must too, and after training and working as a Bra Fitter in the UK before working as a teacher for 10 years, I knew it was time to step back into doing what I love. Empowering other women. Shell Lingerie was born!
Recently I have been lucky enough to work collaboratively with Intimately You Photography (www.intimatelyyouboudoir.com.au) and have had the pleasure of taking part in an incredible Boudoir Photography Shoot.
And for the very first time in my life I felt excited to have photos taken. In fact I remember distinctly asking for shots of my curves, my squidge and rolls, because its incredibly import to me to show real bodies, especially on the internet.
I began to realize the role that our upbringing, other peoples opinions, stereotypes and the media have on our perception of ourselves. Nobody can see us through our eyes. That's why a photoshoot like this is instrumental on that self love, self compassion and body kindness journey.
Intimately You Photography has values which align with mine 'Love who you are, exactly as you are' and whilst I can't yet love my self every day, these beautiful photos I now have of me (in perfectly fitting lingerie I may add) sure as hell do help me continue on my journey to reshaping my body image and my internal dialogue to one of compassion and kindness.
You are beautiful, you are worthy, you are enough.
If any of this resonates with you and you too would like to start your journey, reach out because a beautifully fitting bra can be that small first step.
Shell x
1 comment
Wow shell this is so beautiful and vulnerable thank you for sharing your story feel absolutely honoured to be apart for your journey. You’re amazing and creating a massive impact now in lots of women’s lives by healing and doing the work on yourself for you. Big love xx